The Romance That Never Works

The Romance That Never Works.

The meet

A normal day in my college, I don't usually go there except for practical sessions, but this day was different.
I was with my friends and comes to my attention a girl, who is not hot or super model in anyway, a girl that you'd probably never bother looking at. I felt chills whenever I spotted her with my eyes, but never took any action.
However, couple of sessions later something happened. I was there, I was navigating throughout the class when I saw her, she looked to me, smiled and from that moment forward, every time I saw her she'd smile.
Days later, she greets me from a distance. I felt that what's going on is not casual at all.
when she smiles I felt like melting, she had the smile of a joker which I bear the same myself, but it fits her perfectly.

The First Step

I went through a rough time for like 2 weeks and when I decided to get out of it and just say screw everything, I thought of going to her...
Next thing I know is that during my next practical session, I went to her, greeted and said : "I have one simple question .. do you have a name I can call you with? ", she told me her name, she knew mine somehow. I asked if I could add her on social media so we can talk.
Later, I went to her Facebook profile and found that she'd already searched and added 3 individuals having the very same name as mine, but all were misspelled, I added her and said : "Hello".
Couple of hours later, she replied with: "Hi, What's up ?". I was excited that we started having the conversation.

Getting To Know Her

As the conversation proceeded, I learned she is using an internet connection that costs a lot for every Megabyte of data, and that she is kinda poor or slight better than so, I told her to switch to Whatsapp hoping its cheaper and so I can get her number ( that wasn't my main intention really ).
We chatted. She seemed the kind of a very conservative person, I felt bad for that, since whenever I say something, she'd reply with the bare minimum, I might send her a 400 letter statement and she'd reply with : "OK I see."

First Time Out

I asked her to attend a lecture with me, she agreed.
During the next 3 days, none of us talked to the other, I didn't want to ruin anything just by judging her on her typing skills or chatting ability.
We arranged it and went to the ugly lecture, I just tried entertaining her all the time, getting to learn something new about her each time we speak. At the end of the lecture I was stunned by the amount of things we have in common.
She lives on the outskirts of my city in an unknown village. I was happy listening to every word she says, she doesn't talk much, but seems interested in every single thing I say, laughing with me every time I laugh.
I was so comfortable with her, yet I tend to talk much when I feel sort of anxious. I talked and told her stories and tried to make her take the lead of the conversation, but she never bothered doing so. We bought some smoothies, which tasted horrible but she said it's super delicious.
I felt so attracted to that girl, I mean she lives in a place with barely the minimum, and she was super smart, knows what matters and what does not, super athletic, loves mathematics, didn't care about how people viewed her, she just loved herself for being herself, she liked one particular singer that I believe many of you readers may have never heard about, and I was stunned that once I asked her: "Who's your favorite singer?", she absolutely didn't hesitate when she replied: "SIA", I fell for that since, Sia lovers have some sort of a stereotypical personalities that I adore.
We went for another lecture and I drew on her hands which seemed pretty clean, she had her nails short not trimmed or took care of but just nice and clean, she never wore makeup, she just seemed to want people to accept her the way she is and yet even though she seems pretty much out of my league, she kept playing hard to get, but in a very beautiful way, whenever I tell her an achievement of mine, she'd reply:"Nice", she never seemed to have any achievement ... I felt like she is in a lower value compared to me, but that only made me want to be with her even more.
She was so smart ,and you could never trick her into anything but if she felt like you are enjoying something she'd let you do it. I kept drawing on her hands, she didn't seem scared that people are going to mock her hands, she took my hand and drew something small something like two opposite arrows, I liked it, we talked and gave her some Sia songs so she could listen to.
I said goodbye and she went home.

The 2nd Meet

3 days later her birthday came. Although I only knew the girl for real for about 7 days, I felt like I need to give her something special.. in those 3 days we didn't talk but once the clock turned 12:01 am I texted her Happy birthday you beautiful sweet girl, she replied with a thanks adding some dark hearts which I love! She loved the same color I love : "Black !", and had the same Zodiac Sign: "Gemini !".
I felt like she is not real, perhaps she is just a fantasy, I mean she doesn't pour herself all over, but she just seems perfect, she's kinda of a stubborn, but I love it .
Next day I told her to meet me to study at the library, we sat there and we read some pages together, listened to some songs, and right before getting up I gave her my gift, It was a book .. a book that a friend of mine asked me to read, I didn't have the real book back then only a digital version, but I managed to find a copy and gave it to her. It was the only book that I've ever enjoyed and successfully finished called "Frankenstein In Baghdad", she was super pleased to seeing the gift and was quite happy and gave me a big thank you ! .
I didn't feel like I want these moments to end, even when we are studying I was the happiest person on earth .she asked me -and I wasn't expecting that- to hang out at the campus, "there are some beautiful spots I know there" she said.
just to clear things up, she lives in a students dormitory, since her village is a bit too far from the university she is in ,and so she goes everyday from her dorm to the college.
So she has a fine knowledge about the track there, we went out and sat, she started messing my hair for no reason, I started doing the same to her hair and we had some wonderful moments, having the silliest conversations of all time .. "imagine you were an animal .. what would that animal be?" or we'd argue about the cutest animals in the world, and she'd be totally into the conversation.
I pulled my headphones out and gave her a bud and had one myself  we stuck together and started listening to music, she told me her opinions sincerely about every song I play.
She'd tell me "you should calm you hair", "please you talk so much just turn it down a notch, enjoy the surroundings".
I couldn't get my eyes away of her wrinkles, the most perfect spots I've ever seen, or that joker smile that I have myself .
I asked her dozens of times to take a pic with me but she refused. I forced some pics that look awful but she said :" Meh ! I don't care ", we'd walk and sit, I offered walking her home, once there, she offered doing the same for me, we walked a lot and conversations went for about 6 hours!
I enjoyed every moment of this, my family didn't bother asking where am I, since i was in my university and they had no choice but to accept the fact that I'm in a certain lecture, and finally we'd end up in a bench somewhere, just staring at the trees laughing over the anything or punching each other.
She brags sometimes about how athletic she is and I get stunned each time. She never seemed like a normal shy girl, but rather a normal shy boy in a girl's body, she was an introvert too!
I felt like hanging out with the female version of me!
Going out with her kept going for about 5 days .. not straight, but rather over a period of 3 weeks ..

The Old Fire

I remember having a girlfriend like 6 months earlier. My ex girlfriend was one of the hottest girls in town!
Meeting her was quite simple .. I saw her on the street once - a famous one here - and I greeted her, since I know her from a course we used to attend, she talked to me first and asked me out once.
I won't lie .. Yes I had some wonderful time with her, uncovering deep and dark things about her every time we chat. I wasn't coping well with her attitude towards me, she came to me then started playing hard to get, I was OK to tell her "This relationship could never work my friend", she was OK with that too! and I knew she would be so, since she has tons of male friends some which she calls Besties, so having another relationship wasn't big of a deal for her. I literally considered her as a bitch.

The Comparison

But when comparing the new girl to my ex, I felt that it's never ever about how hot a girl looks like, my ex looked stunning every single time and sometimes I'd just go check her photos, she is so beautiful.
The new girl isn't much of a beauty or let me say people would never say so, they might say she is ugly, but I found divinity in ever single inch of her ,I was addicted to every flaw in her. .. to every bad habit she has, to her accent which never sounded like mine, and I'd mock it but she'd mock mine too, I loved her insecurities, I loved her being messy and not taking much care of herself, I loved her personality.
whenever I sit next to her, I felt like sitting next to a master piece drawn by all gods of art in the vast universe.
Nothing is perfect, but I found perfection in her, I could sit and look to her face for days without flinching. My ex looked super nice, I was always anxious. she was super boring and she was so sensitive about what people think and she'd postpone replying me for hours...I remember that once when I wrote her a message, telling her that I'm really considering suicide .. she read it .. didn't reply for 2 days then she said: "sorry I thought my messages were sent" !
I said " OK " and that was it for me , and I ended up breaking up with her!.

Fears

Now I know that the new girl seems like the one, but I'm too worried, that this might never work between us. I have a dad who is literally an SOB and being so, makes me have the fear of becoming something like him, he abuses mom for every single thing she does, he divorced her 2 times already and as a Muslim he gets to divorce her one last time before she becomes forbidden forever to him. I had the worry of becoming something like him ,since my mom told me once that you might become something like your father, and  I took an oath of never being in any sort of relationship again never in my life ,and considering the fact that dating yourself isn't as fun as dating something new.
My biggest fear is the following. I'm a freshman of university that your final score determines the next university you will be transferred to, and for most people want to study in the capital, and yet I've a pretty nice score in the first semester of the year, while she has a fine score but It'll be very hard for her to score enough to go to the capital yet she is studying super hard in order to get there. I don't want to fall for her then just leave her, that'd be terrible for me, but if we both go to the capital I'll have the very best 5 years of my life with her, loving as much as we like and uncovering every single detail about the other. However, even if one of us stays here, it's still possible that we can still hangout every time i come back to visit my family. I don't know how this relationship is ever going to work.

Conclusion

I'm on the ledge between heaven and hell right now and while in such a position, I could always say "There are some types of romance that are never meant to work out ".

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